Are we fall in love with sb or with idea of sb?

What is true reason that we continously fall in love and next fall out of love? Maybe that's because we don't fall in love with somebody, but with our dream? Maybe we've only conception of our perfect object for our love and we try to see it in choosen person? And when we realized that our partner doesn't come our expectations up then we used to say "It isn't the same person as I fell in love". But it isn't true, this person might be the same as was. Maybe this is just a moment when we dispel our illusions.

I gree with you in this part (( with our dream ) because when we fall in  love somebody .

our magenation work in it , i think all people looking for perfect love . Then we convenience yhhh this is what i want . this person so suitable to present my love which is in my dream .Day after day with abit of mistak we knew and realized  this is ont our love . In the past , lover can die for love and carry all pain to make his or her very happy , They suffer for who love and nobody knew the story, Bout now every month fall in love with somebody because we are looking for beautiful love .

Hi dear freinds.

 bjoosta's question is really great to discuss, but before I add any comments, I'd like to ask a simple question for whoever shares this topic:

•  Waht does love mean for you?

what does mean love for me? . This is a good question . really ,nowaday , there is no real love , when we talk about love we mean , we must be part from each other.  charing every thing sadness, happiness ,illness . when one of them cry the other feeling about why these tears go out , love mean donnot creat painful for the other , donnot make the other suffer from you even by mistake words. facing diffecult times together .donnot build the huge wall between each other . love more than sexual moment , people who thing about love they never thing that sexual can support that idea of love never never , when we read apeom or story we remember person who love . when real love dead betwee couples  ,they do every thing as usual but they feel every thing pooring . whey because there is no no real love from the the first time meet each other , there is admire but not real love ,

some time love some one and loss this person but we still in love even we knew we are losing him .

please ,please please  , i knew my english poor sososo please correct my writng

,to knew where is my weak.

thanks a lot  

 Hello Bjoosta,

I think we idealize our partner .

One day we discover that he or she is not exactly what we expected . Later comes the feeling of frustration … but …if there is love we learn to accept our partner in the way he or she is … and we will be able to say freely " I need you because I love you , just in the way you are "

Greetings to you all  !!!

Hello…

Those posts indeed raise many interesting issues… Love?… Gosh, what a difficult question! :) Love is, I think, an alchemy between two persons. It is what (hopefully…) lies, dormant, in the heart of every creature, just waiting for hmmm the right, complementary "echo" to awake. Love is a bond between two hearts, a connection; thus, all the energies we use to fulfill our own needs when we're alone are suddenly channeled towards another person, making us forget our own egoism and selfishness (at least for a while…) and awaking a burning need to cherish and protect someone else, to surround him or her, in short, with everything good life has to offer, to stand by him or her through good and bad, simply be there for him or her. It's a feeling of well-being, of fulfillment, in the compagny of someone. Love is melting two "I"s into one "us". What I say here, of course, also applies to friendship :) , this love-without-sexual-intercourse feeling. Some would call it the purest for of love; sure, the age we live in has somehow extracted the notion of "sex" from the wider "lovemaking", praising the mere pleasure of the senses, the animal activity let's say (nothing pejorative in that), making it sound base, and sometimes dirty. But lovemaking, as its name indicates, is… bringing to a material, tangible plane the feeling that burns inside our hearts. It's not so much a matter of pleasure as one of union, unity… of melting, again, into one entity. And no, I'm not being romantic. :) Now, about bjoosta's question, I think we may mistake for love a sudden attraction that eventually fades away because, indeed, we had projected our ideals on the other and gradually discover that the two do not fit that well together. But I guess that love, true love, keeps you by the side of the chosen one even after discovering that dream and reality do not match… Then, why do we fall out of love?… Maybe because the relation has lasted the time it was meant to last, and dies when each protagonist has learnt from the other what he needed to resume his path alone and meet his next complementary one… Some are lucky enough to reach the end of the path and find The one, to whom he's been prepared by all his former encounters, experiences and loves. Some do not; but is there only one The, or many?… In the end, I think that love, when shared of course, is a sign pointing to someone we have something to live with, for both our evolutions, for a time, or forever…

Sky, please, why do you say that there is no real love nowadays??

 Hope that wasn't too boring :D

Yun 

I have read all above statements.  For me, I think love is just a kind of feeling for good. You love people all round you and you love animals, etc.. It's just a feeling. When we fall in love with sb, we just feel good to with him or her. Want to be with him or her for ever. However, everyone has his weakness and when we find out these weakness in him or her we may change our mind. We may think whether he or she is the one we should be with. In additint to the cruel reality things, it's really difficult to get through all the problems around these lovers. But people fall apart doesn't mean that love also goes away from them. Love still exits in people' heart but because of the reality they have to break their relationship. Maybe many years after their break-up, they still keep their times in mind. 

my ex is really a one track mind….....

he always make my blood boil and blow my  top….............

Well, I’ve read all what you wrote and I realize you have no idea about what love means, what you’ve been feeling is nothing but an illusion, maybe I am wrong, but for me it seems so.
There’s a saying “To love someone is not to see him/her like a perfect being but to be aware that he/she is not perfect and you still love him/her with all his/her imperfections”
When you achieve to this status and you realize your couple loves you back in the same way, well how love feels surpasses whatever you thought was the best feeling you’d ever had in your life.
Of course, the most of people will never be able to feel how this actually feels cuz they base their “happines” in things that aren’t worthy at all.
Hope not to sound too smug or know-it-all cuz I got not all the answers and really wish someday you can taste love’s flavor.

Well, I've read your reply… and I think u didn't understand my post at all. I wrote about love in concrete context, namly about fall out of love. Why we suddenly cannot accept features, that we accepted earlier?  Could you tell me this?

By the way, I think the definitions of love is many as many people live in our world.

greetings

As a psychologist you don't even need to ask such questions. Because you know the answers already.  

And yeah.. its like you said. At first we always love just our own imagination of somebody.

After that we have 3 main alternatives. The first one is to realise that this person is not like we thought befor and we lose our first feelings instantly. The second one (very rarely) is to realise that this person is almost the same we thought befor and we starting to continue our journey (but it is almost impossible to find such a person, because our desires changing all the time). The third one is to realise that this person isn't like we thought befor, but we discover some new facts about it and find out that those facts aren't that bad. 

In my opinion the 3rd one is the best alternative to have a long and good relationship. 

 mfg