Jazzmae

June 15, 2008

First, this is not my 1st writing any blog, I've had some before yet nothing worked. And I don't see why this one should last forever like hers. She's been writing that for 2 years now, but really, it has nothing to do with me.

Secondly, I won't write any lyrics here like others do. I'm so not into any songs, matching my circumstance with one or two current songs. I hate it. That will make me attached to the songs, and I don't like to look back, to taste the past. I don't like the awkward situation where I'm sitting at a cafe, enjoying myself then suddenly certain songs are played just to remind me of what has happened, of the condition I was having when the songs were all there around me.

Mm ok, as I'm writing this a music played through my wmp, it's Powerless by Nelly Furtado. But I won't remember this song, I don't listen to the lyric and that's all. Music is good to my soul and at times like this, but I just can't attach to any song, nor to some things that used to be precious to me.

This writing was moved by an incident discovery I had few days ago. It is not nice to find yourself described in a bad way by someone you consider to be close enough to you. Hh.. I don't know; this whole thing makes me feel so bad, about friendship, about relationship among people, about myself, about my life.  

Yes I'm feeling low now; I don't see anything I've done worked properly, particularly my thesis. I look around me and I find one by one, my friends just leave and reach the life they've always wanted. And I'm still here, in a blur, under uncertainty, makes me exhausted. And remembering it all makes me want to stop writing. This is useless. I'm just wasting my time here, except well yeah, another English learning.

I've got to stop now.