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realhappiness1

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albasel1975

Germany

November 20, 2010

Hello My Dear friends,

Here I am back again with a new discussion.... I need to know your opinion

As we used to do, we share our thoughts , ideas and point of view....

our topic to be discussed this time is this question:

            DOES MARRIAGE KILL LOVE ? ... DOES MARITAL LIFE SOMETIMES KILL

               EVERY WARM FEELING WE HAVE FELT BEFORE MARRIAGE?... DOES THE

               ROUTINE STYLE OF THE MARITAL LIFE CHANGE THE HEAVENS

              OF " LOVE " INTO THE HELL OF " MARRIAGE" ? 

 

so , what do u think my dear friends? Is that true ?

Do you think marriage kills love ? I hear many things about marriage & love from my around at the last days.The best threatening conversation was about marriage kills love so far. I have no idea as I haven't tried that yet,but I don't want to think that marriage kills love for the time being.This is very terrible for me Confused

What do you think about it ?

-yes?
-no?

I have read a poem of  Sylvia Chidi :

                A marriage of two

A marriage of two
is for love that is true

A marriage of two
is always something new

A marriage of two
happens sometimes out of the blue

A marriage of two
is worth it when its due

A marriage of two
is a
marriage of trust
Many can find themselves lost
It can be an expensive cost

They are only very few
who have a clue
of when love accrues

A marriage of two
is about love making
It is not about
money raking

A marriage of two
can be bad
A marriage of two
can be sad
You should only be glad if
A marriage of two
is for love that is true

I am waiting for your opinions and comments

please : leave a comment on that topic.. don't read and jump out... be positive and share us

yours,

albasel1975

              

 

More entries: The True Friend (13), Do different colors affect your mood?, Why People lie, Love & Forgiveness (3), Discussion : Does Marriage Kill Love ? (11), The online Love .. True or False ? (23), A visit to The Pyramids Zone in Egypt (2), who is the true friend? (2)

View all entries from realhappiness1 >

03:37 AM Nov 22 2010

appluna

appluna
Germany

i'm only 17,but i know marriage by reading "my theory of happy"

if u think "marriage kill love "when u marriage,

in fact u would have only misunderstood ur wife or husband.

it is said that love make u be blind in japan.

it means that u cant see things by right way when u are falling in love.

so the person who misunderstood his wife or her husband think that "Marriage kill love"

 

thank u for reading

12:06 AM Nov 22 2010

Julie3

Julie3
Russian Federation

Yes, as I said “may be they didn’t feel love at all when got married”. I am sure (speaking about Russia) most of the marriages happen because girls want it, they dream about beautiful white princess dress day and night and think it’s the utter happiness they can have in life. So poor men make proposals but in a few months start to cheat on wives, or wives cheat on their husbands, they continue their relation longer if they have kids…but kids help not for ever. Marriage as well as cohabitation is a serous and important step and we need to think not about white dress, guests at the wedding ceremony, gifts will be given, honey moon but about living together day by day. Just yesterday I went to the café with my friends (one is married, has a 9-year old daughter and she feels happy to be married to her husband, they achieved much together and going to achieve more and the second one will be divorced in early December, she has a 3-year old boy. Their marriage ended with divorce because he cheated so much on her, made huge debts, trying to have his own business but he spent so much time doing this that forgot about his family and other responsibilities) and saw a couple – a wife, a husband and their daughter so the point is that they hardly told a couple of words to each other spending about an hour there!!! How can it happen that people loving each other have nothing to say to each other? Marriage (people) kills love when there wasn’t and is not love, but just a wish to have wedding or a certain social status, inability to be responsible for our own behavior , absence of tolerance, to my mind.

09:02 PM Nov 21 2010

albasel1975
Germany

Dear friend Julie3,

Thank you for your comment

I agree with you..I don't think it's marriage itself that kills love.

If you think about it, a lot of relationships end when people start living together, because they realize that they just aren't compatible. Sometimes it's the little tweaks, like how the other person doesn't put the lid back on the toothpaste, or stupid things like that.

It's really just a huge level of commitment. A lot of things change when you have another person to worry about every day. You have to be considerate of the other persons habits, while not entirely giving up your own to accomodate them. I think some people just don't realize that things don't stay the same way when you get married.

a firend said : I know I learned the hard way. But then, everything worked out well so far, just got through our second year. Smile but it really did take a good amount of work at the beginning, just getting used to being around each other so much. There were fights, and I don't think its a bad thing that there were. If a couple says they have never fought then there must be something wrong, or they are just plain lying. Wink

But I know that it's not a love killer. If your love can't survive marriage, then maybe you didn't really love the person well enough. *shrugs*

08:05 PM Nov 21 2010

Julie3

Julie3
Russian Federation

Hello to all the participants of the discussion. Here I would like to share my ideas and my experience. First, to my mind it depends on “Love”, if the core was respect and trust shown from both parts the love cannot be killed fast and easily. For sure “love” is very personal and complex concept and as many people in the world as many perceptions of this relationship there are though we can determine it more or less definitely (just look up in the dictionaries). Second, I define some stages of love and they change accordingly time passes and for people of different ages and gender this concept is not the same. Third, my own experience and the experience of my friends shows that marriages often end up with divorce. The main causes were: there was nothing mutual between the couple, absolutely different attitudes, views and interests, young age, inability to fulfill responsibilities. But from the other hand I have friends who are married for long time and not going to break up. And they feel happy and cannot imagine their lives without each others. The conclusion here is the following: love, friendship, marriage, sympathy, mercy, family are very personal and unique concepts and happiness of each depends on each. I cannot be 100% sure in other person (in my husband) as we are not able to feel the same in the same degree, so it’s just an issue of trust and respect. Here I agree with Anarchotaurus because marriage is like an agreement signed between two people: to take care, be honest and loyal, stay beside when there is joy or misfortune, to be a person the other can relay on. But I don’t agree when saying: Who's gonna impose responsibilities? LAW-STATE. Who's gonna entitle couples to have kids? LAW-STATE”. As I am sure as soon as you start living together or marry you start being responsible for living, food, education, feelings, morality. And nobody can entitle me to have kids! It’s only my choice when and how many (or to have or not to have at all) kids I am going to have. We all live in states in accordance with laws (civil, religious, moral) and a family ( a married couple or a couple living together but having no official registration) is a cell of the society and state. If we didn’t have states, laws, legislation, moral rules we would have chaos: everybody would do what he/she likes without any restriction and limits.

Marriage doesn’t kill love, people themselves kill it (and who knows may be they didn't feel love at all when got married)

10:59 AM Nov 21 2010

anarchotaurus
Marshall Islands

No problem Albasel. I think I made my point clear. I totally agree with you where you say (unconsciously support my argument where I say marriage is contract) cohabitation is different from marriage coz it doesnt involve responsibility and kids. Who's gonna impose responsibilities? LAW-STATE. Who's gonna entitle couples to have kids? LAW-STATE. So far, I'm not mistaken to equate marriage to a form of contract. Of course if I were a girl brainwashed by the norms of culture, glorifying a woman in wedding dress, or a boy brainwashed to think of sex an activity only married couples have right to enjoy, I would think differently. But after all, internet is a chance to get in touch with new perspectives. You wouldn't hear these ideas from your friends Albasel. Make good use of internet ;)

Well, the moment I sign on a contract to define what are the financial and legal consequences if I break up with my girlfriend, is the moment I agree to kill love. Is this perspective soooo beyong our age? Come on! Kang You Wei brought up these ideas 100 years ago Smile

08:54 AM Nov 21 2010

Nicte ha

Nicte ha
Mexico

anarchotaurus:
Silvio Rodriguez had the same perspective as you abt marriage.
I translated a song for you, on my profile, if you want to see it, is called "the family, the private property and love"Smile

07:56 AM Nov 21 2010

Nicte ha

Nicte ha
Mexico

I was married for 15 years, and, as for my own experience i can tell u, sometimes daily tedious becomes in boredom.

The apathy can easily takes u to the temptation and the escape.

Its really dangerous when there is nothing new to share in the daily routine., and the indifference can become in a heavy ballast to carry.

The marriage is like a plant, we should get wet and take care it every day.

02:41 AM Nov 21 2010

Messy-Gal

Messy-Gal
Turkey

I have no experience in this issue, so I will talk of what I have heard from other people and I will utter my ideas based upon my personal observations.

The debut of love dynamizes the heart, which later influences the course of life. You feel butterflies in your stomache at the very first phase of love when it blossoms. Love grows and you also grow up. This growth adds up to your personality, strengthens your weaknesses but sometimes takes away from you. This all seems cute and sweet, because your significant other is by your side. Together you can be the whole. You get married. You share alot....Every single moment of your life is attached to your beloved on. Years go by... Then you get to realize that the vividness of your strong emotional feelings fade away and leave its place to respect. You still love your significant other, but not as passionately as before. Love leaves its place to a higher level of respect. It is a sort of mundane habit to see each other every single day, share the same bed, eat together and go about other pursuits. You still dote on your beloved one, though. It is just the freshness of feelings that start to falter. I don't mean love dies. It does not die. It is still there in heart, but less than before. Its magnitude is not as intensive as before. Nothing is bestowed with the power to keep its freshness for good at all. 

02:27 AM Nov 21 2010

anarchotaurus
Marshall Islands

My definition of marriage quite differs from yours. Marriage is the contract between the state, woman and man. This contract covers the rights of both sides in their relationship. Depending on the sexual policies of the government (which I think is a clear violation of human rights and freedom) it might provide you with incentives of course (like tax reduction in some cases)

Since marriage is a matter of contracting parties involving government and some other third persons, who could claim that it has anything to do with love? We can claim that living together for a while might kill love, but I don't think this has anything to do with the marriage contract.

But if we were to talk about the impact of marriage contract on a relationship, then we have to mention the country in particular. Because provisions of the civil code is not same in every country right?

For example... Is marital rape allowed in Egyptian jurisdiction?

11:06 PM Nov 20 2010

albasel1975
Germany

Dear friend Khazangol,

                Thank you very much for visiting my blog, and thank you for your very reasonable point of view... you have an experience and we should take your words for sure..

I would say, if it is a true love, then marriage will double it at least (if not multiply it Smile )
What's marriage? that's the question to be asked. I know it differs according to the country, religion and traditions. But in all cases it has certain features that are shared everywhere. Marriage is a relation created between a man and woman which is accepted in any religion and country and among any tradition thus some religions consider marriage is the only solution to make a sexual relation with another and it is meant to last ever after. A man and a woman who accept to marry a man or a woman and spend the rest of their lives together should (or may I say must) love the other.

Yes, every life has its ups and downs and in some cases one of them finds things that he/she wasn't expecting in his/her partner that may make him/her think again about this marriage and the love he/she had before. But in other situations and cases, love can be the motivative to handle the partner of life and try to pass things so the boat won't sink with both of them. This requires respect and perception and passing things by to keep going. Not every couple are capable of this of course and this is the main reason why some marriages fail and never last. Some people get divorced though they still love each other deeply... but life together can not go any further. 

we should not be affraid of marriage, good things happen as well as bad things. We should try to accept things, we won't find the perfect love, perfect wife (girlfriend) or perfect life to live.

10:49 PM Nov 20 2010

khazangol

khazangol
Iran, Islamic Republic Of

 

i dont accept the word 'Killing', i may rename it with 'changing', i think marriage and time both may change 'love', and that's because you and your lover change too, you know it's 3 years that i am married so it's too early to talk about our love having been weakend, but i think i can never live without my husband although i have him always beside me and i promise you it depends on you , your love and your views about life and the way you would like to live