Inside Ebaby! by jasonsimms | English, baby! Blogs

Joy of Friendship, Agony of Defeat

jasonsimms — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 04:59:26 GMT

Joy of Friendship, Agony of Defeat

We arrived in Beijing last night. I was worried that we would be asked not to film around town, but as soon as we got off the plane, we discovered someone filming us! An immigration official video taped us and let us tape him too. He was the nicest immigration of any country who I have ever met.

Everyone in Beijing is very nice and doesn't mind being in our videos. Today we filmed a bicycle race through our hutong, Qianmao. It was very close, but I lost to John! It's OK, it's just the first event. I think I can still win more medals than him.

The food is very good too. It is simpler than American Chinese and much better too. I had some fish balls last night that were strange but tasty. This morning we had steamed dumplings that were amazing.

Tonight we will go to the Opening Ceremonies, although like many people, we don't have tickets. We will stay outside and meet everyone and watch the fireworks. You should come! We'll be wearing our unis.

Click here to view more photos of our first day in China.

Trainin' hard

jasonsimms — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:01:45 GMT

Trainin' hard

My muscles are sore, but this is the price of victory. John and have been training hard before and after work. It's a strange dynamic between the two of us. We are competitors, but we are also teammates. To win, we must defeat one another, but for English, baby! to win, we must both succeed.

A typical day involves pounding a protein shake before dawn, and meeting at the track for some drills. Then after work, it's a weight training followed by a long distance run. Our training regimen has been documented in a video that should be up on the site soon. We just released images of our official uniforms but here are some more pictures of us working out.

Sometimes we slack off.

So our coach, Captain Jeff, is pretty hard on us sometimes.

So then we work a lot harder...

...and achieve great success.

Pong!

jasonsimms — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:51:32 GMT

Pong!

OK, I'm going to take a break from my intense training to celebrate for a moment. You have to reward yourself if you want to train effectively! And my reward today is great: I will see table tennis while I am at the Olympics.

Apparently John has some connections that may get us tickets to events over there, or we're going to buy them on the street, but table tennis was the one thing I knew I couldn't miss. I used to love to play ping pong as a kid and I remember watching Chinese Olympians play ping pong on TV and being amazed at how far they stand from the table and how hard they hit the ball. So I bought a pair of tickets online to one of the preliminary ping pong matches.

They arrived in the mail today, and with the news right now that thousands of people have gathered in line to buy the last of the tickets for the games, I am glad to have at least one pair in my possession.

It may sound strange, but they certainly feel like Olympic tickets. They're the heaviest and prettiest tickets I've ever seen. The table tennis match I'm going to is on August 13 at 10 AM. It will be our last day in town, so it will be a reward then too for all the videos I've helped make and opponents I've crushed.

I Am NOT Joking Around.

jasonsimms — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:54:04 GMT

I Am NOT Joking Around.

Look at that face. Does that look like the face of a man who is joking around.? No it does not. Do you know why? I'l tell you why. It does not look like the face of a man who is joking around because it is my face and I am not joking around. I am not joking around at all. I am serious about these games. I am very serious about these games. I am so serious about these games that I make Al Gore look like a stand up comedian. I am so serious about these games that I make the Old Testament look like a comic book. I am so serious about these games that I am serious about stuff that isn't even serious. Stuff that's supposed to be a joke. No jokes on my watch, pal. Serious. SERIOUS.

A couple of days ago, John challenged me to a steeple chase through the Hutong. I think he was kidding. But I have accepted his challenge and I shall be victorious. In fact, I am so serious about this challenge that I had it put into our official press release about the games we'll be hosting.

Do you want to challenge me to a game? Bring it on. C'mon. Bring it on, man, I am serious! They say that whoever wants it more wins and I want it so bad I can taste it. And it tastes like metal. Warm metal that has been sitting in the Beijing sun. It tastes like expensive metal. That's how I know it's gold and not a lousy bronze medal or something.

Actually bronze is too good for those I will defeat. We should make medals out aluminum. Out of aluminum cans. Aluminum beer cans. Aluminum beer cans we found on the street and those will be for John and the other challengers who will come in second to me.

For the Glory of Ebaby!

jasonsimms — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:57:19 GMT

For the Glory of Ebaby!

In all my life, I never thought I'd make it to the Olympics. I quit playing basketball in high school and never grew all that tall despite my initial promise. I stopped skiing in college and playing in a metal band isn't an Olympic sport (yet).

But then came the chance of a lifetime.

The chance to compete.

Though English, baby! isn't a nation exactly (though some might argue it's the greatest nation on Earth) and our team missed all possible deadlines for registration, we have heart. We have heart in spades. So bring it on Beijing! We're going to the Olympics, whether or not the Olympics are ready for us.

We have plane tickets, a sponsor (thanks ETS! Take practice TOEFL now!!! a hostel reservation, uniforms, a little press coverage...and that's pretty much it. We're not really sure if I'm going to be able to enter the discus throw, so I'm not practicing. We hope this is the international gathering of a lifetime, but we could, in fact, be the only non-Chinese and non-competitors there (I guess it's really hard to get in to China). If we want to see any events, we will buy tickets on the street or charm security or athletes.

But one thing's for certain. I will return with gold. Whether it is won, earned, stolen, or on my teeth, I've come this far, and that's too far to stop. Victory will be mine...

Best Comments: Reactions to Mason and Amanda

jasonsimms — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 08:02:43 GMT

Best Comments: Reactions to Mason and Amanda

So last week on the soap opera, Mason and Amanda finally got together. We spent three months dragging out the idea that she liked him and he wouldn't notice her. But apparently that just wasn't long enough for one incredibly patient Chinese member.

Of course there were many comments saying "Oh! How romantic!" and stuff like that. But you know what? I have to agree with this wise opinion instead.

May I only pray that all the real life Amanda's of my life and men like me find this blog. But if they don't, a couple of comments on a lesson about spooning reminds us that we always have one special lady in our lives...

Well, I'm not quite there yet. Apparently I have a couple of other options from fans I won with the wedding video.

That last one is particularly encouraging since I just found out that I am, in fact, going to China. More details about that later. But I'm already planning how I'll impress the ladies there. I'll amaze them with my powers to make the mundane interesting. A couple of minds seem completely blown by my lesson on losing your phone.

Well, that about wraps it up for this edition of best comments, so I leave you with the will-you-be-my-friend comment of the week. This one is sort of an Ebaby! inside joke which will be especially funny to regular users.

If you don't fill out your profile, your name is a black non-link on the site. A lot of these non-links don't realize they are non-links who can't be messaged and go around asking for people add them. This one apparently missed an opportunity by just a few minutes...

Like two trains passing in the night...

1.3 Billion People Are About to Change Your Language

jasonsimms — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:51:31 GMT

1.3 Billion People Are About to Change Your Language

Now, I have seen some funny translations in my travels. "Homos" for "hummus" and the like, but this takes the cake. This is just one of many groups of incredibly bizarre "vocabulary" words from a set of Chinese English learning blocks featured in this hilarious blog post.

It's worth checking out just for the laughs, but it also raises a good point. As English becomes the global language, how will it change? The author of the post cleverly notes that as China's 1.3 billion people learn English, it may become the case at some point that what they say goes since they're the majority of the speakers. Chainsaw? Sorry, Yank, that's a reactance.

According to this recent story from Indian news outlet NDTV, there are already more English speakers in India than in the US. Soon the tables will be turned and English slang will come from Asia instead of the US and I'll be the one trying to keep up by reading ESL websites!

ESL and Social Networking in the New York Times

jasonsimms — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 07:07:57 GMT

ESL and Social Networking in the New York Times

There is no shortage of stories out there about "the dangers" of social networks and how they're banned in various workplaces and countries. So it's really nice to see a story in the mighty New York Times about one worthwhile use for social networks that we here at English, baby! know a lot about: language education.

The story focuses on a couple of sites that specialize in bringing foreign languages to Americans who want to learn them. It also focuses on the innovative technologies these sites have developed.

But to me, what's most exciting about the combination of language education and social networking is the fostering of a global community. Even though with 650,000 members, Ebaby! is huge, it feels like a group of friends. I've gotten to know a lot of the most active users through seeing them commenting on the lessons every day. The light-hearted and current topics make for fun dialog that's hard to get on a hardcore language-learning site.

I mean, I don't think any other social network or language eduction site would attend the wedding of two of its members or host a game show for a half dozen others.

But the best part of Ebaby!'s community is the massive cultural exchange that's enabled by people from all over the world learning a language together. Since Americans are lucky enough to have our native tongue as the global language, it's great that there are opportunities online to learn a foreign language and become a better ambassador. But for a lot of people, English is what enables them to make friends outside of their home country and social networks are where they come to do so.

And since the vast majority of our members are not in the United States, the discussion of language learning and social networking is only beginning in the US. So once again, huzzah to Anne Eisenberg and the New York Times for bringing the discussion to the front line of American media.

Don't Laugh at Bad English...You Will Be Punished

jasonsimms — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 01:48:09 GMT

Don't Laugh at Bad English...You Will Be Punished

As you navigate English, baby!, it's hard not to laugh at some of the mistakes people make while they learn English. Heck, I do it on a regular basis.

But it's not nice to laugh at people learning a language! And what better place to learn about manners than a Japanese game show?

Check out this video in which contestants are beaten if they laugh at a man struggling to learn English. I particularly like the white shoes and amount of yelling. Those are both things that need to be incorporated into language education more often.

Hat tip to Cheesegod.

Best English Comments: Love meets ESL

jasonsimms — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 02:54:04 GMT

Best English Comments: Love meets ESL

Lots of love on the site this week. And I don't mean just the romantic kind. Love for us too! In addition to all the great stories on this forum thread about how people learn English and make friends here, people have been singing our praises in the comments.

A Brazilian woman said we help her learn outside of her English class.

And a similar sentiment from a Pakistani member.

I suppose we are doing something right. I mean, we apparently reach a demographic in Korea that has never heard of MySpace.

I also discovered Chinese girl who had never heard the English name for the Spice Girls until our English lesson on their reunion.

And there was some major wisdom shared about love in our English lesson on love after divorce. This comment from a Filipino member is English words to live by.

But it wasn't all love this week here in the land of ESL and social networking. At least not for me anyway. One Chinese member thinks it's completely obvious that Mason is more attractive than I am, and that's why he'll prevail in our little love triangle.

And amidst the hundreds of positive responses to our Turkrainian Wedding Preview, I found one nonbeliever.

And one master of self-love.

And what would a best English comments post be on Ebaby! without a note from someone looking for love, looking for friends and English chat? There's no doubt that one new Chinese member loves English.

Sorry We Missed You at the Internet Party...

jasonsimms — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 01:57:27 GMT

Sorry We Missed You at the Internet Party...

If you saw the the footage of Google's recent house party, you probably thought to yourself, "Hey? Where's the Intnet's leading ESL social networking site, Ebaby!?"

So did I, so I looked into it. Apparently, we were represented by a very cute Chinese girl (pictured) named Fei. She walked around the party asking everyone if they wanted to be her friend and practice English with her.

The first person to take her up on it was the hip young lad from pitchforkmedia.com, who you may also notice is strangely absent from the party. Well, they started chatting and one thing let to another, and apparently they spent the whole time making out on the porch and missed the entire filming.

Dang! Next time they'll have to invite Captain Jeff to have a drinking competition with MySpace Tom.

Best Comments: Death Threats and Self Love

jasonsimms — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 01:29:27 GMT

Best Comments: Death Threats and Self Love

Despite the release of our very romantic preview of "Ebaby!'s Turkrainian Wedding," commenters chose to practice their English with death threats this week.

One member from Denmark immediately thinks of dying for someone at the mention of marriage. This reads like a slightly morbid wedding vow.

We also have a young Russian woman who is deadly serious about finding friends and penpals on the Internet.

Finally, a member from Mauritania seems pretty convinced that our English lesson on being a good Samaritan actually killed someone.

It really is a tough world in ESL and online English education this week. A woman from Slovenia took our English lesson on James Bond as a chance to explain that she will not tolerate a wimp.

The Eagles seem to have had a painful effect on this Chinese woman's hands.

"Finger-popping"...That sounds painful! Finally, this week's English slang lesson drew concerns of an alien invasion from a Sri Lankan member.

If all that wasn't enough, someone showed up on the good Samaritan lesson just to tell me how I feel.

Geez. So my pet frog died this week. DID YOU HAVE TO RUB IT IN??? But it's not all darkness here in the land English chat and English forums. Those seeking friends are always in abundance here on Ebaby!, like this person who mistook an English lesson for a potential friend.

And of course, cultural exchange is in no short supply. We learned of the Indian version of the good Samaritan...

...as well as the Chinese.

And one Bulgarian got her fair share of "lolz" at my conversation with Mason.

And, finally, in addition to a place to practice English, learn English free, and make friends all over the world, apparently Ebaby! is a place to develop self-love.

Isaak from Ghana, My Friend

jasonsimms — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:09:47 GMT

Isaak from Ghana, My Friend

My headline on Ebaby! mentions that I'll be touring the world with my band someday. The headlines on English, baby! seem to be more visible than on a lot of other social networking sites, so I get a lot of messages from people looking to find friends who want to chat about music. People often message to ask, "Will you come to Thailand?" or "Do you stop in Slovakia?" I always just tell them, "Sure. What town do you live in? Do American bands play there?" I figure it can't hurt to network a little. Sometimes I give them my email when they ask for it.

This is often the first thing I do when I get to the office and I'm often a little hung over when I show up. One day, after what I can only imagine was a really rough night, I must have given a member from Ghana my phone number. I see people give out their phone numbers all the time on Ebaby! but it seems hard to me to talk to a stranger on the phone...that's what the Internet is for.

Anyway, a few days later my phone rang with a call from a phone number with like 14 digits. I did't answer it and I got a message.

"Hello, Jason. This is Isaak from Ghana. Isaak from Ghana. Your friend. This is Isaak from Ghana. You call me."

I had to play it a few times to make sure I was hearing right. Throughout the day Isaak kept calling me. I asked around the office what people thought he might want. We guessed that he probably just wanted to practice English with a native speaker and we wondered how hard it is to call the US from Ghana. I mean, he could have Skype on his computer at home, or he could have to climb a mountain, pay 10 dollars, wait in line for an hour and call from rotary phone.

Isaak called me so often that it kind of freaked me out and I never answered the phone. He called at all hours, many times a day. Then one night I was in Seattle and a little drunk when Isaak called me at about 3 am. I decided to answer.

Jason: Hello?

Isaak: Hello! You never answer your phone!

Jason: I know...I travel a lot. [Which is true!] What's on your mind?

Isaak: What?

Jason: What's on your mind when you call?

Isaak: What?

Jason: You call very often. What do you call to say?

Isaak: I call to say don't worry about your trip! Everything will be OK! Don't worry!

Jason: Oh, OK, I won't worry. I wasn't worried.

Isaak: When do you come?

Jason: Well, like I told you in the emails, it'll be a while, probably 2009 or later. [Can't I dream?]

Isaak: OK. Well don't worry. I take care of everything.

Jason: OK. Thanks Isaak.

I guess it just turns out that he's excited for me to come visit him. He says that a metal band has never played in his village. It's my dream to be the first one.

A few days later I got an email from Isaak that said "Hello Dear: Missing you more than ever." I got a good laugh out of that. He must have heard someone say that somewhere, like in a movie, and not quite understood what it meant. It's always nice to be called "dear" though, I guess. Even by Ghanaian dudes you've never met.

The Debut of Best Comments

jasonsimms — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 02:49:30 GMT

The Debut of Best Comments

I've always thought that the best part of the lessons on English, baby! is the comments. They're certainly the funniest part because ESL students and people learning English can say and do things a native speaker like me would never have thought of. Sometimes they make some great observations and share wisdom as they learn English and make friends.

Every week or so from now on I'm going to blog about the funniest, most interesting and best comments left on the lessons from that week. The movie this week was Bee Movie, which I haven't seen, but I'm tempted to because I like Jerry Seinfeld so much. But apparently seeing Bee Movie can be hazardous to your health. This poor Chinese gentleman died mid-comment.

So I guess I better not make Bee Movie my next date with Amanda. My attempt to kiss her drew a lot of interesting comments including a couple from an Egyptian guy who decided to make his own quiz about what you would do if a girl asked you to take it slow.

In case you don't feel like checking out the lesson, it's summed up pretty well here by this comment, which comes to us from Sri Lanka.

Another commenter, a Somalian rap artist (judging from the Vanilla Ice-style posture in the photo) sums up the lesson in something of a mysterious telegram.

Some might call that bad English. Others might call it post modern poetry. In any case, he must have missed our lesson on the KKK a couple of weeks ago.

Amanda's father is Chinese (as is referenced in this lesson on Chinese food) so maybe Chinese girls just don't like me, because there were a pair of Chinese ladies who commented specifically to say they would not date me.

Amanda is reluctant to date me as it is! Don't encourage her hesitation! Wish me luck on the Amanda front. I need it.

But those sick people in New York need way more help. One commenter with a handle in characters I don't recognize shared the apocalyptic thoughts the lesson brought to her mind: "the world getting worse and worse, so dirty not only the environment but the people's heart."

On a lighter note, that lesson also brings us the "Will You Be My Friend?" comment of the week! A lot of people seem to get lost on the site looking for English chat and English forums and end up posting all over the place asking for friends. So each week I'm going to select one of those to share here. I like the forlorn yet straightforward plea of this Chinese teen.

And I leave you with this.

Recliners are NOT horrible. And don't you forget it. Thanks, my Pakistani friend.

culture cruise

jasonsimms — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 02:05:27 GMT

culture cruise

I was one of the camera men on the Culture Cruise. It was really fun, but I did a bad job of staying out of the shot. Can you find me in this video?