Inside Ebaby!

We arrived in Beijing last night. I was worried that we would be asked not to film around town, but as soon as we got off the plane, we discovered someone filming us! An immigration official video taped us and let us tape him too. He was the nicest immigration of any country who I have ever met. 

Everyone in Beijing is very nice and doesn't mind being in our videos. Today we filmed a bicycle race through our hutong, Qianmao. It was very close, but I lost to John! It's OK, it's just the first event. I think I can still win more medals than him.

The food is very good too. It is simpler than American Chinese and much better too. I had some fish balls last night that were strange but tasty. This morning we had steamed dumplings that were amazing. 

Tonight we will go to the Opening Ceremonies, although like many people, we don't have tickets. We will stay outside and meet everyone and watch the fireworks. You should come! We'll be wearing our unis.

Click here to view more photos of our first day in China.

My muscles are sore, but this is the price of victory. John and have been training hard before and after work. It's a strange dynamic between the two of us. We are competitors, but we are also teammates. To win, we must defeat one another, but for English, baby! to win, we must both succeed.

A typical day involves pounding a protein shake before dawn, and meeting at the track for some drills. Then after work, it's a weight training followed by a long distance run. Our training regimen has been documented in a video that should be up on the site soon. We just released images of our official uniforms but here are some more pictures of us working out.

Sometimes we slack off.

So our coach, Captain Jeff, is pretty hard on us sometimes. 

So then we work a lot harder...

...and achieve great success. 

OK, I'm going to take a break from my intense training to celebrate for a moment. You have to reward yourself if you want to train effectively! And my reward today is great: I will see table tennis while I am at the Olympics.

Apparently John has some connections that may get us tickets to events over there, or we're going to buy them on the street, but table tennis was the one thing I knew I couldn't miss. I used to love to play ping pong as a kid and I remember watching Chinese Olympians play ping pong on TV and being amazed at how far they stand from the table and how hard they hit the ball. So I bought a pair of tickets online to one of the preliminary ping pong matches.

They arrived in the mail today, and with the news right now that thousands of people have gathered in line to buy the last of the tickets for the games, I am glad to have at least one pair in my possession.

It may sound strange, but they certainly feel like Olympic tickets. They're the heaviest and prettiest tickets I've ever seen. The table tennis match I'm going to is on August 13 at 10 AM. It will be our last day in town, so it will be a reward then too for all the videos I've helped make and opponents I've crushed.

Look at that face. Does that look like the face of a man who is joking around.? No it does not. Do you know why? I'l tell you why. It does not look like the face of a man who is joking around because it is my face and I am not joking around. I am not joking around at all. I am serious about these games. I am very serious about these games. I am so serious about these games that I make Al Gore look like a stand up comedian. I am so serious about these games that I make the Old Testament look like a comic book. I am so serious about these games that I am serious about stuff that isn't even serious. Stuff that's supposed to be a joke. No jokes on my watch, pal. Serious. SERIOUS.

A couple of days ago, John challenged me to a steeple chase through the Hutong. I think he was kidding. But I have accepted his challenge and I shall be victorious. In fact, I am so serious about this challenge that I had it put into our official press release about the games we'll be hosting. 

Do you want to challenge me to a game? Bring it on. C'mon. Bring it on, man, I am serious! They say that whoever wants it more wins and I want it so bad I can taste it. And it tastes like metal. Warm metal that has been sitting in the Beijing sun. It tastes like expensive metal. That's how I know it's gold and not a lousy bronze medal or something. 

Actually bronze is too good for those I will defeat. We should make medals out aluminum. Out of aluminum cans. Aluminum beer cans. Aluminum beer cans we found on the street and those will be for John and the other challengers who will come in second to me.